Journals as Prayers

(Note: I wrote this journal entry yesterday.)

As I write this, I am flying from Salt Lake City to Indianapolis: the last leg of a series of flights that started over 24 hours ago in Beijing, China. I've had a lot of time on airplanes and in airports on this trip to be able to read. And my mind is swimming with the things I've read. The latest is a book called "Prayer For People Who Can't Sit Still." I bought this book at General Assembly this summer, but haven't taken the time to read it until now. In the book, the author writes about alternative ways to pray besides sitting still and concentrating for extended periods of time.

I have to admit that prayer is a big weakness in my spiritual life. Whenever I try to pray, I find my mind wandering. I can't focus on what I'm wanting to say to God, or on listening to what God has to say to me. I feel guilty. I feel inadequate (which, of course, I am). There have been exceptions to these feelings, though. When I was on my Emmaus Walk, I found myself praying and listening to God several times. I don't really know how long I prayed, but it was for considerable lengths of time. That was the first time I truly realized that God was speaking to me; the first time I truly heard and listened. Since then, though, my prayer life could only be described as pathetic.

One of the books I read this week recommended spending a minimum of 30 minutes each day in prayer. And this book made a point: How can we expect to have a relationship with God if we don't spend time communicating with Him? The author asked what our marriages would be like if we spent as little time communicating with our spouses as we do with God.

So the first method of praying discussed in the "Prayer" book is journaling. As I read the chapter, I started to understand why I sometimes feel compelled to blog. Originally, I thought it was just a way of organizing my thoughts, but now I realize that some of my entries are prayers. This is an exciting realization for me. This is something I can do. This is a way of listening to God's message that I can understand.

As I write this, I'm listening to my ipod on shuffle, and the song "Word of God Speak" by MercyMe just came on:

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[CHORUS]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

[REPEAT CHORUS 2x]

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

God is speaking to me again. I thank you, God, that you speak to me, and I pray that you'll continue to teach me how to listen to you.

I Want 20/20 Vision

Yesterday, I attended a stewardship seminar on behalf of my church. (I think. They asked me and a couple of other people if any of us could go, and I was the only one to say yes. But no one has said anything about when or if they want me to share what I learned, and I'm not on the finance committee.) At any rate, I learned a few things.

A couple of things that were said really got me to thinking, and not necessarily about stewardship as it relates to the church. First was the discussion about "vision." If you're involved in any kind of organization or business, you are probably aware that the organization should have a mission statement and a vision statement. He said the vision statement outlines how your organization would look if it were, in fact, able to fulfill its mission statement. He said vision statements need to be big, bold, clear and compelling if you want anyone to support your organization. He kept drawing comparisons between vision statements and actual eyesight. He said that he could take off his glasses at home and, although everything was blurry and not very clear, he could navigate sufficiently within his house without them, because he was comfortable in his surroundings. But he couldn't venture out beyond his own small, comfortable, world without clearer vision. If we want to venture out, grow and expand, we need clearer vision.

The second thing that really got me thinking was right at the end of the day. He talked about the old TV show, "This is your life." In the show, a guest would be surprised and friends and family would share stories of the person's life. Yesterday's speaker asked, "What would be said about you if you were on that show?" That made me think:

First, what would be said if they were profiling our church? Would people come on and say that our church had a positive impact on their life? Would they tell a story of a time where we showed compassion, love and understanding, or would it be a story of being judged and made to feel inferior? Would anyone outside of our membership have anything at all to say about our church? Taking that a step further, if our church closed its doors tomorrow, would anyone outside of the current member miss it? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the answers for my church are negative. I'm saying, these are thoughts that should always be in our minds and helping to govern how we act as disciples of Jesus Christ. And these thoughts apply for any church, not just the one I belong to.

Second, what would be said about me? Would people have good stories to tell about me, or bad ones? Would I be portrayed as a loving, compassionate person, or a jerk? Would people say I was a positive, upbeat guy, or would they say I was always complaining? Would the stories told about me make it clear that  I strive to live a Christian life, or would I end up looking like a hypocrite? I'm not fishing for compliments here. I'm simply saying that I should constantly evaluate what I'm doing to make sure I'm setting a positive example and leaving behind the right kind of legacy.

Along those lines, I got to thinking... I should have my own mission statement and vision statement. Proverbs 29:18 says, "Where there is no vision, the people perish." I've been looking at my life through my own, blurry, human vision. Has my inadequate human vision kept me from venturing out of my comfort zone, the places I can navigate without having to see what's around me too clearly? Or, have I tried to venture out, only to become lost and on the wrong path because I couldn't see where I was going? 

I realize this is not a new idea, but it's not something I currently have. So, I'm going to start praying and working on my personal mission and vision statements. I'm praying that God will open my eyes (no pun intended) and allow me to see my life through the "corrective lenses" of Jesus Christ.

I want 20/20 vision.

Spiritual or Religious?

Recently, a friend of mine posted a link to an article about Religion vs. Spirituality. Basically, the article (Spiritual but Not Religious? Please Stop Boring Me.) was written by a minister who was irked by people telling her that they were "spiritual but not religious." The article is a bit "snarky" for lack of a better term, but there was a lot of good debate that went on in the comments of my friend's status. It made me think a lot about my own situation.

For years, I would have put myself in the "spiritual but not religious" category. Loren-Paul Caplin, in a different blog post (Religious vs. Spiritual: Semantics or Neurotics?), described spiritual as such: "I just assumed that if I held some personal 'spiritual' belief in, let's just call it, a beyond-our-physical-universe reality (the nature of which won't be discussed here) that includes a very personal conception of humans (and other living things) having an eternal essence that transcends their bodies -- that I'd share enough common ground with devoutly religious people to, well, at least not piss them off." That pretty much describes how I felt. I felt like there was something out there, and I thought that was enough. As long as I acknowledged that there was something beyond me, then I would be alright, right?

Here's the problem, with being "spiritual" without being "religious," at least as it applied to me for 20 years. It was about me and only me. I took comfort in this idea that there was "something" out there beyond me. But I didn't have anything to share with anyone else. What could I tell other people? "Ummm.... Yeah.... I believe there's something beyond us." How does that inspire anyone else to believe? Does it help them develop their own spirituality? I had nothing to share.

Now, though, I have a lot more to share. I have my story of how I came to Christ. I have direction and a path. I know that there's a whole lot more to this than what's in it for me. And I'm eager to share what I feel and know with others. I'm now proudly religious.

On Phones

Today, Alecia and I went to lunch at Cholula's.  While we were eating, we couldn't help but overhear what was being said in the booth next to ours. One woman was reading a text conversation she had had with someone else out loud to her friend. This was a very personal text exchange between her and a guy that I really didn't want to hear. This went on for about 10 minutes, and then this same woman received a phone call. She proceeded to talk on the phone for the rest of the time we were there (probably 15 minutes or more). In fact, when we were paying, I looked back and she was still on the phone. Her friend was sitting there blankly staring out the window. I can't imagine her friend was happy with the whole situation.

Now, I'll admit that I'm a big fan of cell phones and texting and many of you may think that I'm the pot calling the kettle black, but, this situation really made me think. I'm worried about where we're heading as a society. As a parent, I'm especially worried. How many of our kids can't put their phones down long enough to have a decent face to face conversation? How many of them can't even turn it off or ignore it long enough to watch a two hour movie or get a decent night's sleep? What's going to happen when they go looking for jobs and pull out their phone in the middle of their interviews to respond to a text? Are we the ones teaching them this behavior? I, for one, intend to be a little more careful about the example I set. So from now on, if you text me and I don't respond immediately, don't get upset. I'm probably talking to one of my kids.

What a Difference a Year Can Make

Last Saturday, I married the love of my life. As the wedding was drawing closer, I kept thinking back on how much my life had changed in a year. At the time I was a little too busy to put my thoughts into words. As things have settled down (hah!), I wanted to organize my thoughts and put pen to paper, so to speak.

Early in August, 2010, I was just starting to realize that I really liked Alecia and that I wanted to date her. Today, I'm married to her.

Last year, Chris and Cordelia were engaged and living with me. Today, they're happily married and living on their own in Greenfield.

Last year, my house was cluttered, my fence and carport were falling down and my central air wasn't working. Today, the fence & carport are gone. The house is clean and every surface in it has been refinished or repainted. Both bathrooms have been gutted and rebuilt. We have a completely new heating and cooling system and the window in the back of the house that was rotting apart has been replaced. We have plans for a garage, fence, new windows, new kitchen, etc.

Most importantly, last year, I was attending a church, but didn't belong. I believed in God, but didn't know God. Today, I'm a member of First Christian Church. I have given my life to Christ and I'm excited to be involved. We are planning to join our church's mission trip to Swaziland next summer. And Alecia has gone back to school to get her Masters of Divinity from Christian Theological Seminary.

What a difference a year can make!

I choose to love

A disclaimer:  The following post is my opinion only, and in it I use generalizations. By no means am I trying to say that ALL Christians are a certain way, etc.

Something I saw posted today finally solidified some of the thoughts I've had since attending our denomination's General Assembly last week. Basically, the post questioned why it was ok for Christians to use parts of Leviticus to tell homosexuals that they're sinners and abominations, but to ignore other parts of Leviticus, such as passages that say you must not wear garments of two kinds of material or get tattoos. There's quite a bit in there about sacrificing animals as well.

I have friends who are atheists. I suspect that a couple of them are atheists because they've been so despised and alienated by Christians for who they are. They are totally turned off to religion. I've been thinking a lot about these friends over the past week.

I walked away from the church when I was in college. Part of the reason I left was because I was being exposed to a lot of people who judged others. I remember very distinctly that Campus Crusade wanted us to go to Florida for spring break to walk the beaches with bible in hand and "save the sinners." I kept thinking, "Who am I to say that someone is a sinner?" That was one of the things that pushed me over the edge. I walked away and was basically agnostic for twenty years. I wonder what would have happened if I had been told I was an abomination? What if I had been despised, ridiculed, bullied and discriminated against for what I felt in my heart? Would I have gone all the way to atheism? Would I have been convinced that there was absolutely no way there was a God?

I'm new to Christianity. It's true that I was raised in the church, but I only accepted Christ into my heart this year. And maybe I'm ignorant and/or a little naive, but I think our purpose is to introduce people to a personal relationship with Christ, not to judge them. We are on this earth to be personal representatives of a loving God. Jesus said the two greatest commandments were to love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind and soul and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

How many people have we as Christians pushed away from Christ over the years because we judge them? Do we really think that telling people they are sinners and abominations will make them want to know more about Christ? What if we loved people instead? What if we opened our arms and welcomed people into our churches, regardless of their race, economic status, sexual orientation, etc.? Would we be doing the Lord's work then?


My job, as I understand it, is to be a witness for Christ. Can I fulfill that duty by judging and condemning, or should I love my neighbor as myself? It's easy to judge people, and I'm guilty of it quite often myself, but I will do my best to follow Christ's example.

I choose to love.

What Goes Around, Comes Around

I've had lots of thoughts going around my head since we spent last week at the national General Assembly for our denomination (Christian Church, Disciples of Christ). This post, however, has nothing to do with that. I hope to write more about those thoughts in the near future.

As I detailed in an earlier post, Alecia and I won some money at a reverse auction, and that money allowed us to replace the central air in our house, which quit working toward the end of last summer. I wrote how that money was a blessing from God, at a time when we really needed it.

Today, I had the opportunity to pay that blessing forward. Last summer, I had bought a window air conditioner when my central air quit. (It was so close to cooler weather, I didn't want to mess with what I suspected would be an expensive repair.) Additionally, Chris had had a window unit in his bedroom upstairs. This year, both those units have been sitting in closets. Until today. Today, a friend posted on facebook that she was looking for an A/C unit to give to a family in need. The family had five kids and limited financial resources. I offered up our two units (after conferring with Alecia, who, of course, approved). Hopefully now that family will have a little bit of respite from the oppressive heat this week.

I'm not writing about this to toot my own horn, because I didn't really do anything. All I did was recognize an opportunity and a responsibility to continue God's blessing.

I really have three reasons for posting this story. First, I continue to be amazed how God works and the fact that one blessing can have more, unforeseen blessings (by me, at least).

Second, I want to challenge anyone who reads this (including me) to keep their eyes and hearts open to needs that are around them. Look for ways you can help people.  My friend not only recognized the need of this family, but she went out and looked for ways to help them. She deserves credit for the compassionate love she displayed.

Finally, I want to challenge myself to continue to look at the ways God has blessed me and see if He is calling me to pay those blessings forward. After all....

What goes around, comes around.