I've Got a Lot to Think About

So... I've got a lot on my mind right now, so forgive me if this post seems disjointed.

First off: Swaziland. I'll admit to being a little nervous about this trip, but it's probably not for any reason that you would think. You see, I've read through the blogs of a guy who went on the last two trips. As the senior male, he was asked to preach each time. And who's going to be the senior (and only) male on this trip? That's right. Me. There's a possibility that they'll ask Janice to preach instead of me, but I'm not counting on it. My guess is that they won't want to risk offending me by not asking. I'm going to be prepared, just in case. I just have no idea what to say. But... I have a month and a half to figure it out, I guess.

Second, I went with Alecia to her classes this past week. It was great to meet some of her seminary friends, and I really enjoyed listening to the professors. It was made all the better by the fact that I had no need to take notes, as I would not be writing any papers or taking any tests. I was a little intimidated, however, as people threw about terms that I couldn't even pronounce, let alone know what they meant. Going to her classes has gotten me thinking, though. I definitely would like to learn more. I'm not sure that a Masters of Divinity is for me, but there are other programs at CTS that I could potentially be interested in. But there's a lot of writing, and I'm not that good of a writer. And then there's the whole job thing, complete with international travel, sometimes on short notice. I don't know. Maybe a little down the road.

And then Rev. Nathan preached on courage this morning. The scripture passage was:

Matthew 14:22-33 (NIV)

²² Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. ²³ After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, ²⁴ and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
²⁵ Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
²⁹ “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Nathan challenged us to be courageous witnesses. We must step out of the boat and trust the Lord to pull us to safety if we start to sink.

I've also been reading "Crazy Love" by Frances Chan. Today, the part I was reading talked about "lukewarm" Christians. There were many examples of what he considers the characteristics of a "lukewarm" Christian, but basically he's talking about someone who stops at being saved. "I believe, therefore I'm not going to hell." But that's where they stop. They continue to live their lives for themselves instead of stepping out of the boat onto the water when Jesus calls them.


What do all of these thoughts have in common? I don't know. Maybe nothing. 

Or maybe everything. 


I've got a lot to think about.

I Have Hope

Well, it's about to get real. Janice, our pastor's wife and mission leader, is going to be buying our plane tickets to Swaziland this week. Now it's time to start thinking about the trip itself.

Janice has picked "We Have Hope" as the theme for this year's trip. As Janice puts it, "Hope is so powerful.  Hope is a spark.  My most desperate moments have been when I did not have hope in a situation.  Hope makes everything brighter, possible, imaginable, new, tolerable, expectant...hope is a gift.  Think about Hope.  Think about when it brought you through a rough spot.  Think about how hope made you focus on a better outcome instead of focusing on disaster.Imagine being a child who is orphaned and starving.  Then a person arrives with food.  Food can transform your physical being.  Being remembered, being thought about and cared for can transform your spirit.  What if...?  HOPE?  Choose Hope!"

At Janice's suggestion, I'm going to focus some blog entries on hope leading up to our trip. I'll start with what I hope to do on this trip.

I hope to bring smiles and comfort to some orphaned and vulnerable children (OVC's). I hope to bring them food. I hope to see first hand the impact Christian love and compassion can have on a society so devastated by HIV/AIDS. I hope we can help. I hope we can make a difference.

As for myself, I hope to be changed. I hope to be challenged. I hope to be convicted.

I have a lot of hope for this mission.

"take this bread"

Several months ago, I read a book titled "take this bread" by Sara Miles. I copied a passage from that book into a blog post, but never sat down and thought about what I wanted to say about it, or why I had felt compelled to copy it down and remember it. So I never published it.

Here is the quote from the book:


"What happened once I started distributing communion was the truly disturbing, dreadful realization about Christianity: You can't be a Christian by yourself. Sooner or later, if I kept participating in communion, I'd have to swallow the fact of my connection with all other people, without exception.

I was going to have to see and understand the hunger of other, different men and women, and make a gesture of welcome, and eat with them. And just as I hadn't 'deserved' any of what had been given to me...I didn't deserve communion myself now. I wasn't getting it because I was good. I wasn't getting it because I was special. I certainly didn't get to pick who else was good enough, holy enough, deserving enough, to receive it. It wasn't a private meal. The bread on that table had to be shared with everyone in order for me to really taste it.

I was not going to get to sit by myself and think loftily about how much Jesus loved me in particular. I was not going to get to have dinner, eternally, with people just like me. I was going to get communion, whether I wanted it or not, with people I didn't necessarily like. People I didn't choose.

Conversion isn't, after all, a moment: It's a process, and it keeps happening, with cycles of acceptance and resistance, epiphany and doubt. As I struggled with bread and wine and belief...I began to understand why so many people chose to be 'born-again' and follow strict rules that would tell them what to do, once and for all. It was tempting to rely on a formula-- 'accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and savior,' for example-- that became itself a form of idolatry and kept you from experiencing God in your flesh, in the complicated flesh of others. It was tempting to proclaim yourself 'saved' and go back to sleep." (Emphasis mine)

Wow... As I re-read that I am struck once again with conviction about my own life. There is a lot in that passage that challenges me. Am I communing with others? Am I sharing the bread? Am I relying on a formula or am I truly experiencing God? Am I asleep?

Another reason I am taken by this passage and this book is because of the mission trip that Alecia and I are taking with our church this summer. We're going to Swaziland, Africa. Two years ago, through some generous donations, our church helped set up a food program that provides food to orphaned children in Swaziland. See, Swaziland has the highest per capita rate of HIV infection in the world, over 26% of the total adult population and over 50% of all adults in their 20's. That's a mind boggling statistic. And one of the effects of this HIV pandemic is the large numbers of orphans left behind. So, as I said, our church has helped set up food distribution centers for orphans. And now, we and our local partners have taken the next step at one of those distribution centers by setting up a farm that will actually grow some of the food that they're giving away. Our group will be going this summer (which will be winter there) to see how this program worked out in its first year and to learn more about the needs of the community there. We'll be looking at how we can expand the farming to other food distribution centers.

So much of the world needs food and water, bread and wine, communion. They need that interaction, gathering at the table, partaking together. We have so much in this country and so many countries have so little.

Jesus talked about the coming of the Kingdom of Heaven, but he wasn't talking about the apocalypse. He was talking about bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to earth now. The Lord's Prayer says, "they kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven." Jesus gave us two commandments to guide us in establishing His Kingdom on earth: Love God and love your neighbor as yourself. So simple, yet so difficult. As Sara pointed out in her book, loving your neighbor means you might have to commune with people you don't like, people you don't agree with, people you have nothing in common with. But by doing so, we come closer to realizing the Kingdom of Heaven here, now.

Please consider helping with our mission project. Or donating to a local food pantry or homeless shelter. Anything that tugs at your heart. Just, please, don't go back to sleep. We all have work to do, here and now. God's work.